bloggy disappointment

This is lame. I don't like that I have to write in this stupid little box. I want it to be pretty. If anyone ever reads this, they won't know about the stupid box, unless they have blogger too, but just know that I'm writing in a dumb boring box and it sucks. who exactly am I speaking to ? Myself? Ok I guess that's alright. I think I'd rather write emails to people. I got a job today. Sort of. I actually got space in which to work today. So now I have to find work to do. How scary.

The funny thing is, the big thing I wanted to write a blog about, is how weird I think blogs are… It's like a strange form of pseudo-communication. I don't know about that. Why are we all posting thoughts on the internet, hoping someone will eavesdrop? Why can't we just talk to other humans? And if we don't really want people to eavesdrop, then why are we posting our thoughts on the internet? What is the world coming to? We eavesdrop on people, and we want them to eavesdrop on us. Great. Are we that afraid to face people, and yet we still want that connection? I am not excluding myself. The thing that inspired me to blog, was the fact that I was reading other people's blogs in order to get to know them, because they are too busy to have a conversation. So now I am writing my thoughts to no one, instead of to someone who can't respond. sAd.

Someone told me the other day that I'm remarkable because I'm someone who is comfortable in my own skin. I'm pretty sure he said that because he was impressed that I was willing to share my thoughts with him, my weaknesses, my confessions of being human and flawed. Maybe I'm weird, but I don't find that so remarkable. I thought I was communicating. It finally occurred to me what a funny coincidence it was that my opening up was interpreted as being comfortable in my skin. I don't think I've been comfortable in my own skin for a long time. I think he thought that by expressing myself, I was showing my skin. I'm pretty sure I was peeling it off.