scratching the surface... (Warning)
Tonight I saw Memoirs of a Geisha, which was really pretty, and it had one of my favorite actresses in it - Michelle Yeoh - and I'm sure the book is better, but I haven't read it yet. I certainly HOPE it's better, anyway. But I'm pretty sure film school has ruined movies for me. I felt like the director was making too many assumptions about expecting that his audience has read the book, because I felt like I was only getting to scratch the surface, hmmmm... which relates to what I was going to say next.
Anyway, as I was driving home, I was thinking about myself in relation to the life/role of a Geisha. I was thinking about my own dignity, and grace, and the Geisha being trained to be the image of someone else's fantasy, instead of well, pretty much anything else that isn't that image. The fascinating thing is well, a few things - the power that she wields by personifying this fantasy - but also the power that she relinquishes because of it.
(I fear that this will end up sounding like guy-bashing, but I don't mean it to be, just know that it is my own torment) (like anyone is reading this anyway)
There are so many interesting concepts in this story. One, the main character, is a very beautiful woman when she is (what the makeup artist did a very good job at making us believe is) bare-faced, and they cover her stunning beauty with artistry that is somewhat grotesque. It hides her beauty, while maintaining another manufactured facade of beauty. Her charm is also manufactured. She says and does the perfect things to melt the stubborn heart of someone she has no feelings for, and must absolutely not act in this charming way towards the person for whom she has true affection. The ironic thing is that this distance gives her power, but at the same time puts her exactly in the opposite place from where she wants to be.
(don't worry though, he shared her affection all along, so I guess it doesn't matter in this case.)
Ok, THEN they all start bidding the highest price for her virginity. What? What is so valuable about that? "Congratulations, buddy, you just paid a hell of a lot of money for something I would've given anybody who had paid a penny more than you had, and it's that easy. And now I'm going to go back to my life and keep doing what I've been doing and it's nothing but a rite of passage for me, and some f-ed up ego trip for you." Which is also very ironic, because now they say she is a true Geisha, but they still were disgusted by a Geisha who slept with lots of men, AND, in fact, it was like it was only okay if they were bought and paid for, but they were dirty if they gave it out of their own will or desire. AAARGH!!!!
Okay, so this is probably one of the points of telling this story, because if everything was peachy and made sense, then they would have no reason to tell us about how remarkable (remarkably messed up) it was. But I digress. As I often do.
But the thing that I really wanted to say - that I was thinking on my drive home - was about the element of power that one gains by SUPPRESSNG one's "self" versus the power they gain by EXPRESSING their "self". Now I'm sure this can go both ways but since I am female, it is going to be expressed from my p.o.v.
I was thinking about the benefits of exhibiting only grace, only evenness and "healthy" emotional distance, from everyone and everything. I exhibit only strength. My feathers are never ruffled. I exhibit only what are considered the most elegant traits. I am viewed as strong and elegant and graceful. I have ultimate power. The world is mine for the taking. But the other parts are still there, in fact, they are there for whomever were to be lucky enough to crack me open, because intimacy (and I'm not talking just physical) reveals the aspects of a person that exist in a place that is separate from the world.
So, the parts that are hidden by this woman's mask are her weaknesses, her insecurities, her frailty. Now this doesn't seem right, bacause the person who falls for this woman becomes attracted to the qualities she exhibits to the outside world, her strength and grace, but because he is lucky enough to enter her private world, the part she has hidden which becomes her intimate self, the "her" that he gets is her weakness and frailty. But that's not what he thought he was getting.
In the other case, in the event of exhibiting one's weaknesses to the world, and keeping hidden one's grace and strength, one would tend to repel the very person that was looking for someone of her strength and grace. Which is too bad, because it seems like it would be a really nice surprise. I don't know that the guy that she DID end up attracting would be disappointed, I'm really not sure how that would go...
Or maybe (and this is a BEST case scenario) that would be the right guy for her, because he loved her weakness, and so his gift was to see her strength and grace, which no one else sees. But that doesn't seem quite right either, does it? But what is more likely to happen, is that there was a reason (most likely dark) that he was attracted to her weaknessess, and now he will find beauty that he wasn't bargaining for - which may sound backward, and it is - but oddly enough, it happens. Let's hope for the bast case scenario. It seems like a good deal.
But what I'm saying is -
If we hide parts of who we are - even and especially those that we or others feel are negative - we may attract the very person that would NOT be able to appreciate us and in fact FAIL to attract the type of person who WOULD. And so, it doesn't seem very good or effective to hide anything about oneself. BUT if we behave in a way where we have no qualms about exposing both our strengths and weaknesses, then what do we have left to give/show to the the person who DOES appreciate us and therefore deserves our intimate self that is supposed to be left over after everything that we have shown to the rest of the world? :/
Okay the funny thing is, I think I figured this out now that I wrote it, but I'm not sure if I have the energy or intelligence to write the answer to this conundrum. Maybe later. ...Or maybe not.
BUT I do think that this concept may be one of the ever-elusive reasons why "good girls" go for "bad guys" - maybe the girl is thinking that there's more to the guy than what he shows to the outside world OR maybe there's more to each of them than the rest of us see.
And IF anyone reads this, they will now be glad that they do not have to live in my head, because this is what it's like ALL the time.
Anyway, as I was driving home, I was thinking about myself in relation to the life/role of a Geisha. I was thinking about my own dignity, and grace, and the Geisha being trained to be the image of someone else's fantasy, instead of well, pretty much anything else that isn't that image. The fascinating thing is well, a few things - the power that she wields by personifying this fantasy - but also the power that she relinquishes because of it.
(I fear that this will end up sounding like guy-bashing, but I don't mean it to be, just know that it is my own torment) (like anyone is reading this anyway)
There are so many interesting concepts in this story. One, the main character, is a very beautiful woman when she is (what the makeup artist did a very good job at making us believe is) bare-faced, and they cover her stunning beauty with artistry that is somewhat grotesque. It hides her beauty, while maintaining another manufactured facade of beauty. Her charm is also manufactured. She says and does the perfect things to melt the stubborn heart of someone she has no feelings for, and must absolutely not act in this charming way towards the person for whom she has true affection. The ironic thing is that this distance gives her power, but at the same time puts her exactly in the opposite place from where she wants to be.
(don't worry though, he shared her affection all along, so I guess it doesn't matter in this case.)
Ok, THEN they all start bidding the highest price for her virginity. What? What is so valuable about that? "Congratulations, buddy, you just paid a hell of a lot of money for something I would've given anybody who had paid a penny more than you had, and it's that easy. And now I'm going to go back to my life and keep doing what I've been doing and it's nothing but a rite of passage for me, and some f-ed up ego trip for you." Which is also very ironic, because now they say she is a true Geisha, but they still were disgusted by a Geisha who slept with lots of men, AND, in fact, it was like it was only okay if they were bought and paid for, but they were dirty if they gave it out of their own will or desire. AAARGH!!!!
Okay, so this is probably one of the points of telling this story, because if everything was peachy and made sense, then they would have no reason to tell us about how remarkable (remarkably messed up) it was. But I digress. As I often do.
But the thing that I really wanted to say - that I was thinking on my drive home - was about the element of power that one gains by SUPPRESSNG one's "self" versus the power they gain by EXPRESSING their "self". Now I'm sure this can go both ways but since I am female, it is going to be expressed from my p.o.v.
I was thinking about the benefits of exhibiting only grace, only evenness and "healthy" emotional distance, from everyone and everything. I exhibit only strength. My feathers are never ruffled. I exhibit only what are considered the most elegant traits. I am viewed as strong and elegant and graceful. I have ultimate power. The world is mine for the taking. But the other parts are still there, in fact, they are there for whomever were to be lucky enough to crack me open, because intimacy (and I'm not talking just physical) reveals the aspects of a person that exist in a place that is separate from the world.
So, the parts that are hidden by this woman's mask are her weaknesses, her insecurities, her frailty. Now this doesn't seem right, bacause the person who falls for this woman becomes attracted to the qualities she exhibits to the outside world, her strength and grace, but because he is lucky enough to enter her private world, the part she has hidden which becomes her intimate self, the "her" that he gets is her weakness and frailty. But that's not what he thought he was getting.
In the other case, in the event of exhibiting one's weaknesses to the world, and keeping hidden one's grace and strength, one would tend to repel the very person that was looking for someone of her strength and grace. Which is too bad, because it seems like it would be a really nice surprise. I don't know that the guy that she DID end up attracting would be disappointed, I'm really not sure how that would go...
Or maybe (and this is a BEST case scenario) that would be the right guy for her, because he loved her weakness, and so his gift was to see her strength and grace, which no one else sees. But that doesn't seem quite right either, does it? But what is more likely to happen, is that there was a reason (most likely dark) that he was attracted to her weaknessess, and now he will find beauty that he wasn't bargaining for - which may sound backward, and it is - but oddly enough, it happens. Let's hope for the bast case scenario. It seems like a good deal.
But what I'm saying is -
If we hide parts of who we are - even and especially those that we or others feel are negative - we may attract the very person that would NOT be able to appreciate us and in fact FAIL to attract the type of person who WOULD. And so, it doesn't seem very good or effective to hide anything about oneself. BUT if we behave in a way where we have no qualms about exposing both our strengths and weaknesses, then what do we have left to give/show to the the person who DOES appreciate us and therefore deserves our intimate self that is supposed to be left over after everything that we have shown to the rest of the world? :/
Okay the funny thing is, I think I figured this out now that I wrote it, but I'm not sure if I have the energy or intelligence to write the answer to this conundrum. Maybe later. ...Or maybe not.
BUT I do think that this concept may be one of the ever-elusive reasons why "good girls" go for "bad guys" - maybe the girl is thinking that there's more to the guy than what he shows to the outside world OR maybe there's more to each of them than the rest of us see.
And IF anyone reads this, they will now be glad that they do not have to live in my head, because this is what it's like ALL the time.
posted by vox @ 1/13/2006 12:33:00 AM
2 Comments:
At 12:08 PM,
Aaron said…
So I have no idea who you are other than someone B knows, but whatever. I've thought a lot about being comfortable in your own skin, showing strengths/weaknesses and such. I think when it comes down to it people are too selfish. By this I mean that I'm all for people showing others both strengths and weaknesses. I guess to me it comes down to showing people an honest picture of yourself because consciously or unconsciously I think we adopt the image we show to others. I don't know I think our inner personality shouldn't be a prize for a select few.
At 12:43 PM,
Maggie said…
You should totally read the book. The movie was good, but the book is way better. I never really though of the book as being a love story but that was clearly what the movie was.
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