"science versus romance"

ummm... people just have no idea what "love" means. Sometimes, I think people use the word to validate themselves or their actions. Usually it's infatuation or just plain self-delusion. Sometimes people use spiritual things in the same way, claiming some sort of ethereal inspiration, or whatever, to validate something that is really just their own very strong feelings, impulses, or desires. Sometimes it really IS inspiration, but sometimes it's really NOT.

Most humans haven't emotionally or psychologically evolved enough to distinguish, so they attach their desire, impulse, etc. to whatever is the strongest word or concept that they know of, and think that must be it. Or they are just hoping. OR they are just hoping that if they attach that strong concept or word, in this case, "love", that no one will question them or dispute their actions or motives, which often aren't noble enough to bear the title of love. They're just too stupid to think that no one will see through it. Or maybe everyone else is too busy doing the exact same thing, so they DON'T see through it.

I've had a couple of guys tell me (very passionately) ( ick) that they "loved" me, and every time I remember it, I feel like puking. Right now I feel like puking. The reason is, they had no idea who I was -, nothing about my personal loves or passions or what was in my best interest, the list goes on. What they "love" is the idea of being together with someone and the possibility of sharing some sort of bonding experience or emotional or physical connection with that person. Or maybe even just the validation of their own worth in the hopes that their confession of "love" will prompt the other person to "love" them. Or some people "love" someone because it satiates their loneliness.
* I think, most often, they "love" the fantasy that they have attached this person to, and because that person is attractive to them in some way, they OBVIOUSLY would fit into the romantic fantasy just perfectly. (irony intended)*

I am going to quote my friend Bryan (I don't really know how to link stuff, so that might not work.)

"I think it would be worthwhile to start taking a look at our relationships with people, and the way we value people, in terms other than love. We don't have to stop loving people. Let's just eliminate that "love" word, and evaluate a person for who they are. It will help us to become less self centered. You see, the funny thing is, for as benevolent and selfless as "love" is supposed to be, love is all about the individuals own little world, regardless of the person they love. As soon as you say "I love [somebody]", you remove the reality of their person from the statement.

Example: I'll say I love... oh... I'll say "I love Brittany!!!" She's a fun girl to love, and I haven't told her I love her for a while. As soon as I say that, the statement is all about me. The meaning is all about what I feel for Brittany. It has nothing to do with who Brittany is, why I love her, or any of that. Brittany, as a conscious individual, is totally absent from the statement. She's just an object used for me to express what I personally feel"

Anyway I thought that was genius, I wish other people were that smart. The thing is, that when he talks about her and all the wonderful qualities that he sees, and the rest, he is showing her through a beautiful lens, which we know as the lens through which he is seeing and that looks much more like love than just stating his feelings, as he said.


Another friend of mine used to "love" this guy because he pretty much represented all that she wanted from life, and hadn't yet accomplished herself - it was like if he "loved" her back, then she wouldn't have to try so hard to become what she wanted to become, because somehow she would be fulfilled just being "loved" by the personification of all that she "loved". But really it was all that she WISHED - if she really loved it, truly, it would be a part of her, because she would have been striving for it out of love, unable to keep herself from doing so. Of course, that's MY own theory, though.

I always think I have the love thing figured out down to a science, but I think that ruins it for me, and there are some who would argue that science and love can't coexist. (This makes me think of Rilo Kiley's song, "science versus romance" I doubt it will help anything, but it's clever, as they often are.) ( i don't know how to link stuff, so you'll just have to go find it on your own)