recovering drama queen

So first of all, I'd like to thank stupid Qwest for making me question my spelling of the word "queen". (AND the word, "question" for that matter) Jerks.
Ok, I am a recovering drama queen.
I think, or, am led to believe at this point in time, that it is similar to a recovering alcoholic, where they are ALWAYS in recovery for the rest of their lives. I am SO good at catching my friends at it, but I always seem to catch myself a moment too late.
AAAAHHHGGGHHGHHH !!!!!!!!!!!
Why do we have to have instant messaging and email and text?!?! WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?
As if I don't put my foot in my mouth enough as it is - and other people too. This "digital communication" thing has gotten WAY out of hand, and I need to not write things to people. That's why blogging is better. Anonymous blogging to be precise. There are only so many words you can take back, and say "just forget I said that" to.
Oh, and while I'm at it - (and this has been bugging me for a while) why do we say we just put our foot in our mouth?
Because I'm pretty sure that on such occasions, I would have been MUCH better off IF my foot WERE ACTUALLY IN my mouth, therefore obstructing my ability to speak at such moment.
It's just the stupid negative voices in my head telling me stupid negative crap and it sounds so intelligent and convincing, and then I act on it by speaking (writing in this case) and then what? RETRACT!!!!!!!! Oh wait you can't do that - you just have to sit back and ride the wave of humiliation until it dies.
Why do I always have to be so damn clever? It's just NOT and I know it by now. I was merely having a relapse. If only the people involved can realize that and realize that it's not really me - it's just a stupid moment that I'm having. Oh God. It's probably the same voices saying all of this: "You're an idiot! Why did you say that?! Why didn't you just wait until you took a chill pill?! Now what are you going to do? Think of some other "clever" thing to say to redeem yourself?!"
How much honesty is relevant in these situations? Hmmmm? Anyone? (That's rhetorical by the way. Kind of.) I mean, EXACTLY how much back-paddling is appropriate before you've run the boat aground or over a cliff? I mean really. Now what?
Especially if they've misunderstood you and thought it was innocent? Or maybe they're just pretending to misunderstand so they can avoid the awkwardness of the situation and divert the subject - and then I'll go and try to back paddle and actually end up digging an atrocious hole to climb into and then bury myself. That would be FANTASTIC. Really. Lovely.
I"ll just ignore it and... oh yeah that will be really productive as usual. Oh yeah.

blah

peeling off the armor
it's useless anyway
the one who does the greatest harm
lives within the gates
surrender is
the most effective weapon
a skillful and yet artless hand it takes


(there should be more to this, but it's all I have right now)
---------------


people in stone houses shouldn't throw glass.
people in soft houses can throw around all the glass they want
as long as it's not any of the broken glass they were throwing around before
in the stone house