faker

SO did anyone know that spiders can play dead? Yesterday there was a spider playing dead in my kitchen on the floor. It was laying all crumpled and crooked and I almost stepped on it - and actually had thought that I DID because I thought the bastard was dead and was cringing at the thought of having unknowingly stepped on it (with my bare feet)
So I went to go get a tissue to grab it and flush it and then when I grabbed it, it of course started freaking out, ran frantically away, I pursued it, killed it flushed it. the end.
Why does this matter? It doesn't.
But I though it was funny.
ish
And I didnt't want to write about what is really bothering me of course

recovering drama queen

So first of all, I'd like to thank stupid Qwest for making me question my spelling of the word "queen". (AND the word, "question" for that matter) Jerks.
Ok, I am a recovering drama queen.
I think, or, am led to believe at this point in time, that it is similar to a recovering alcoholic, where they are ALWAYS in recovery for the rest of their lives. I am SO good at catching my friends at it, but I always seem to catch myself a moment too late.
AAAAHHHGGGHHGHHH !!!!!!!!!!!
Why do we have to have instant messaging and email and text?!?! WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?
As if I don't put my foot in my mouth enough as it is - and other people too. This "digital communication" thing has gotten WAY out of hand, and I need to not write things to people. That's why blogging is better. Anonymous blogging to be precise. There are only so many words you can take back, and say "just forget I said that" to.
Oh, and while I'm at it - (and this has been bugging me for a while) why do we say we just put our foot in our mouth?
Because I'm pretty sure that on such occasions, I would have been MUCH better off IF my foot WERE ACTUALLY IN my mouth, therefore obstructing my ability to speak at such moment.
It's just the stupid negative voices in my head telling me stupid negative crap and it sounds so intelligent and convincing, and then I act on it by speaking (writing in this case) and then what? RETRACT!!!!!!!! Oh wait you can't do that - you just have to sit back and ride the wave of humiliation until it dies.
Why do I always have to be so damn clever? It's just NOT and I know it by now. I was merely having a relapse. If only the people involved can realize that and realize that it's not really me - it's just a stupid moment that I'm having. Oh God. It's probably the same voices saying all of this: "You're an idiot! Why did you say that?! Why didn't you just wait until you took a chill pill?! Now what are you going to do? Think of some other "clever" thing to say to redeem yourself?!"
How much honesty is relevant in these situations? Hmmmm? Anyone? (That's rhetorical by the way. Kind of.) I mean, EXACTLY how much back-paddling is appropriate before you've run the boat aground or over a cliff? I mean really. Now what?
Especially if they've misunderstood you and thought it was innocent? Or maybe they're just pretending to misunderstand so they can avoid the awkwardness of the situation and divert the subject - and then I'll go and try to back paddle and actually end up digging an atrocious hole to climb into and then bury myself. That would be FANTASTIC. Really. Lovely.
I"ll just ignore it and... oh yeah that will be really productive as usual. Oh yeah.

blah

peeling off the armor
it's useless anyway
the one who does the greatest harm
lives within the gates
surrender is
the most effective weapon
a skillful and yet artless hand it takes


(there should be more to this, but it's all I have right now)
---------------


people in stone houses shouldn't throw glass.
people in soft houses can throw around all the glass they want
as long as it's not any of the broken glass they were throwing around before
in the stone house

eavesdropping - or - why gmail makes me laugh

I love gmail because it puts links like this at the side of the page when I am reading the email with the posts in it about the "opportunity knocks hard" blog. Gmail is thinking...
"Hmmm... skin is showing; mask, peel; a seedy underbelly full of tumors - here - check this out."
Cheeky little gmail.


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This also reminds me why one should never respond to a conversation one is eavesdropping on. Which I have done before, to a bit of a disaster.
But, I love eavesdropping too, gmail - that's why we're friends.

opportunity knocks hard

Man, you sure can learn a lot about a person by pissing them off.
Of course there's no GUARANTEE that you will learn anything, BUT if you can manage to get your own ego out of your own way - there's a golden opportunity there. Of course there's the chance that the newfound info will be nigh useless, but it's sure to be fascinating if you can manage to see it.

Songs I love right now

I can't stop listening to these songs! - Even though I have truly been listening to them SO MUCH it's now making me sick, and I'm probably going to die from it. (remember when you were a little kid and you kept eating carrots all the time, and your mom said, "you're going to turn into a carrot!") Well, I'm gonna turn into a... these songs, I guess. That will be weird. But maybe also very cool...
But I love them dang it!


Don't Panic - Coldplay
Politik - Coldplay
Evil - Interpol
Black Dirt - Sea Wolf
The Promise - Sea Wolf
You're a Wolf - Sea Wolf
The Cold, The Dark, & The Silence - Sea Wolf
Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley
Accidental Deth - Rilo Kiley
Dreamworld - Rilo Kiley
Breakin' Up - Rilo Kiley
It's a Hit - Rilo Kiley
Give a Little Love - Rilo Kiley
The Angels Hung Around - Rilo Kiley
Paint's Peeling - Rilo Kiley
Capturing Moods - Rilo Kiley
Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol
Run - Snow Patrol
Chocolate - Snow Patrol
Fortress - Pinback
Twentysomething - Kate Laurel Smith
Young Folks - Peter Bjorn and John
I Know I Know I Know - Tegan and Sara
It's In Our Hands -Bjork
An End Has a Start - Editors
Hurricane - Athlete
Someone to Love - Fountains of Wayne
Smile Like You Mean It - The Killers
The Sound of Settling - Death Cab For Cutie
Title and Registration - Death Cab For Cutie
Nevermind the Phonecalls - Earlimart
World Spins Madly On - The Weepies
Early Winter - Gwen Stefani
Can't Help But Wait - Trey Songz

I know those last two are kind of random compared to the rest, but that's my style. (85% alternative, 2% pop/R&B)

does anyone else do this?

So, you know how you can't walk past the refrigerator without opening it to see if there's anything good in there? In fact, sometimes you'll get up off the couch and actually walk out of the room you're currently in and GO INTO the kitchen to check the fridge - AND you do this even though you did it a few minutes ago, so you KNOW there's nothing good in there? In fact there may even have been nothing AT ALL in there the last time you checked which was like, 20 minutes ago? But you still open it and look inside. AND you sort of can't remember why you opened it, cause it's kind of like your brain is temporarily checked out each time, maybe because your want for there to be something good in the fridge is greater than the intelligence that observes the world and the contents of the fridge and the fact that there aren't any - or any worth eating?
Hmmm...
No - It's that the desire for something good to eat is at the forefront of your mind, and the information gathered about reality is, well, what's it gonna do? The desire for food keeps butting in front of it!
Anyway, that's kind of what I do with email. Yes I'm ashamed. It's ridiculous. This is why: Because I don't email anyone! Yet I check my email everyday, sometimes more than once a day (sometimes more than that - but also, sometimes not every day) to see if anyone special has sent me an email. And even though I do get mail, and some of it is stuff that applies to me, I realized recently that's not it. Cause I'm always disappointed for some odd reason. How crazy is that? Like the old woman on "Donnie Darko". Only SHE was seeing the future (or was it the past - it all gets so convoluted) so she only APPEARED to be crazy to everyone who didn't know that time was bent for her. Maybe I'm seeing the future. Good grief. Well, at least I KNOW it's crazy. Hallelujah!! Anyway, I'm going to try to stop being obsessive-compulsive-email-checking-girl. Or at least find someone to send a message to so that there is an actual reason for the disappointment. Sheesh!

How...

... do people write short blogs?

I don't know.

Perhaps like this.